LEUKEMIA!?!? Now, I had heard about Leukemia before. I mean you see that kind of stuff on TV and learn about that word in school, but that was for older people. People who had all ready lived their lives. I knew this disease had to be bad. You can always hear about it on the news and media. This whole thing had to be a joke. I was probably on Candid Camera or something. But what kind of sick joke is that?
T
he doctor said he'd let me be alone for awhile. When he left, my sister Haji and I started laughing. I don't know why. I guess it was just out of nervousness or maybe my way of coping to make a serious situation not so big of a deal. But deep inside, I knew it was.

I looked at Haji, and whispered with a confused stare, "What is it? What is Leukemia anyways?"

She said back ever all so knowingly, and being 3 years younger than me, "That's what happens when your hair falls out and then you die."
I couldn't believe it. My hair was going to fall out? But when? Was I going to be bald forever? Oh yeah, and I was going to die too. My hair, my life! How could this be, I was so young. Even though I had just heard this terrible news, we were still laughing about it. It was funny, not that this terrible thing had happened but that it was happening, to me of all people! I discussed with my sister how maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die. I loved the water and I loved water slides and I was determined that there was a Raging Waters in heaven (this was a local water park near our house.) I decided that death wouldn't be that bad if that was the case.

Haji and I discussed this for awhile then the doctor came back in. I asked him with finally tears in my eyes "Am I really going to die?" The doctor stated back "We are going to do everything we can not to let that happen Stacey". He then told me that

Leukemia could be cured. I responded to him saying "I'm not going to die then!"
I was determined at this time that I was not ready to die yet. I mean I was still a kid. I hadn't done anything yet. I wanted to graduate from high school, college, and get married someday and have my own children. This disease was not going to rob me of my childhood or my chance to live as an adult. I was stern in saying this to the doctor. He looked at me and smiled and said, "Let's discuss the therapy."

Chemo!! What is that? So they tell me they are going to pump me up with poison? I was put on a random study selection to find out what medical protocol I would receive to beat this thing that had uninvitably taken over my body. Just like a lottery drawing, only this determined my fate if I was to live or die. My lotto ticket gave me a 2-year plan of chemotherapy and twice a month spinal taps rather than radiation.

The hospital wanted to admit me that day because my body was in so much need of blood.  I needed a blood transfusion quickly. They wanted to wheel me, I wanted to walk. I looked on the wall and noticed a drawing of four bald children. I shuddered and couldn't help but think that was going to me.

As I walked towards my admittance room, I looked into another unit a few doors down. I couldn't help but stare at a girl about my age, pale, sickly, and with a few strands of what used to be a full head of hair. She was sitting in a dark room, staring off into space.  I figured that she must be a cancer patient too.

As I was getting settled, I chose not to think about it all and feel sorry for myself. Instead, I joked with my nurses and my family and when people started coming to visit I joked with them too. I wasn't sick, I was still normal and I was going to prove it.
The nurse told me they needed to prepare my body for chemotherapy. It had to be cleansed. They first gave me blood. YUCK! But after it entered my body I couldn’t help but feel 10 times better than I had been feeling weeks before. It pumped me with warmth, stability, and I could finally sit up without those damn headaches.
I slept fairly well that night. My mother stayed at the hospital with me. The next day they started me on chemotherapy. It didn't feel so bad at first. But by the time the chemo stopped pumping into me, I felt as though I had the worst case of the flu imaginable. After a few buckets, and a few naps I felt better.

At one moment, there were no visitors with me. The nurse came into my room and asked me if I wanted to visit with another girl my age who had cancer as well. I thought sure, why not. So I went. It was the same girl I saw the day before as I was walking to my room.  As I walked into her room I felt great. She's the one that looked sick not me. I sat down at the bottom of her bed. I introduced myself and from that point on I didn’t say much else. She opened her mouth and I listened. Listened terrified. She was diagnosed a couple months before me.

She looked at my sternly and exclaimed, "Yeah, its' terrible. Your hair falls out, your friends leave you, they don't care, you get really fat, you can't stop throwing up, and you become all alone".

I terrifyingly jumped up, said goodbye and ran out of there as fast as I could. The nurses watched me as I jumped onto my bed and I started crying and shaking. This is the first time I finally realized what was really going on and started grieving. This was something serious and it was something terrible. I was horrified. Before it was kind of fun. I was getting presents, attention, and a challenge that didn't seem like a big deal. Now it did. The next day I was to turn15. I didn't feel happy, I felt upset. It was summer.  I wanted to be at the water parks.  Instead, I had to be in the hospital and I had just been told how it was.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!